Fat Ass Hams, Pork Barrel Spending

Here Piggy, Piggy, Piggy!

Remember as you read this, that our government elected officials honor their job and have our best interests at heart. The fact that they've stuffed their pockets and those of their friends has nothing to do with the fact that they are, I repeat, honorable people.

Just looking out for us. Are you impressed yet? If not, read on.

1. Glittery Walls are important!

The Director of the Office of Management and Budget - yes, that office, spent a mere $611, 623 to add gold trim to a medium sized room (whatever size that is) in the old Executive Office Building, next door to the White House.

Cha-ching

2. Let's Decorate!

I don't know what you spent on home updates last year, but here's a couple of great examples for your next year project:

For $325,000, the temporary resident of the Vice-President of the US, breaks down like this:

• $15,000 for china and crystal
• $18,000 for carpeting
• $21,200 for silverware
• $26,400 for drapes
• $33,000 for miscellaneous things
• $41,000 for furniture
• $170,000 for the replacement of window air conditioners with central air

Temporary residence?? How often is that used?

But, don't worry, Nancy Reagan invited Architectural Digest to photo her $1 million re-decorating project of the White House on the condition that the public could not see any of the photos. I guess it was a national security concern?

Didn't Saddam have a lot of elaborate palaces as his common citizens had electricity for only a few hours a day? Not to mention the torture, or course.

Not that we have anything in common with any of that. We don''t torture nor overspend or hide the facts from the average Americans, on the ground.

As if that wasn't enough, the government spends between $250 million and $675 millon on new furnishings each year. I don't know about you, but I'm beginning to think of a few places to start with the budget cuts.

However, they'll probably begin with something unneccessary like Social Security.

3. ET Phone Home

The REA (Rural Electrification Administration) was created to loan money to bring telephone service into distant and rural areas. However, by 1950 or so, 96 percent of the nation had been wired. You would think, if you were a non-government reasonable thinking person, that the office would be shut down.

Nope.

The REA then saved their jobs by coming up with other ways to use the money. They made loans to important things like nucelar power plants that went bankrupt. Then did they shut down?

Nope.

The money now goes ~

• to provide touchtone telephone to Micronesia
• to run ski lifts iin Vale and Aspen, Colorado
• for electricity that powers golf carts in Hilton Head, South Carolina

Well, as long as it was for important things.

4. Check after Check after Check

The Fish and Wildlife Service for the Department of Interior is very efficient and has compassion for its workers. We can see that by the fact that they spent $217 million dollars in payroll checks to people who had left their jobs and sent overtime money to people who were on vacation or off on personal leave.

I wonder if they're still hiring...

Have you gone through your home and listed your assets? If you're not sure how to do it, I'm sure the National Park Service, Division of the Department of Interior (uh-o) could help you out because they are really experienced. They gave value to the following items:

• a $350 dishwasher said to be worth $700,000
• a $150 vacuum cleaner was listed as worth $800,000
• and a fire truck, was valued at 1 cent

I can't go on...it's too painful.

5. Paid for copies, lately?

The Resolution Trust Corporation hired Price Waterhouse to copy documents that belonged to HomeFed Savings Assoc. These copies cost 67 cents per page. There were 10 million pages copied with a total cost of $6.7 million. Most copy shops then charged 2 cents a copy.

Another show of good judgement was the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation and Resolution Trust's ( I use the word loosely ) request, in 1992, asking Congress for more tax dollars. An audit revealed that those agencies had purchased 36 coffee mugs and 12 t-shirts for $3,098 as well as 2 breast pumps for $1800.

BREAST PUMPS? I saw one at the drug store for 9 bucks; you think I should let them know? Maybe someone in the office was selling coffee mugs and t-shirts for their pet project. You know, the one called "Do We Screw 'em and How."

Now should you be depressed about America's lack of common sense and fairness in government, I need to share the information about Japan.

We are not alone. Japan funded a 7 year study, to figure out if earthquakes could possibly be caused by catfish wiggling their tails.

I could have saved them all that money by just saying "No."

I'm not concerned about any of this. I'm sure it's no longer happening. I remain ever hopeful, but then, I could be a fool. Is a pig's butt, pork?

I am Marisue, and I write.