Tales From The Badge - A Cop's Wife's Life
76Top Cop
Do-Se-Do
Cops Theme Song
Picked On by the Elderly
Which Way Did He Go
Watch What You Say
Top Cops
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A Top Cop's Wife's 12 Survival Tips
Over the years, I absorbed a lot of knowledge from my husband the cop. If you're really observant, some of it's bound to rub off on you. Here's a few things I learned, while being married to the MAN IN UNIFORM:
How To Survive As A Cop's Wife
1. If you go to see a scarey movie with him, be prepared to hear: "That could never happen in real life." every 5 minutes.
2. If he takes you to see "The Reincarnation of Peter Proud," don't share the popcorn box. He will switch it to the coke cup while you aren't looking and right when Peter Proud goes over the boat into the water you will stick your hand in the coke cup and scream like a nut. He will laugh uproariously as nothing in the movie scares him and he's looking for entertainment.
3. Don't take square dance lessons with any expectation of having a visible do-se-do partner. The pager will go off unexpectantly and he will too. I do a mean do-se-do all by myself.
4. Be prepared to celebrate Christmas on any other day but December 25th. The Good Cop, Chief, will let his staff off and cover their shift. It's ok, that big ol' heart is why you married him, remember?
5. When he takes you to the local dance club owned by his would-be Elvis-like singer-lifelong-friend, realize that after the first 2 dances, he'll end up being the bouncer, even if it is his day off. Bring a good book.
6. Don't take it personally when you make a u-turn at the corner where you aren't supposed to, he'll have half a dozen calls about "why the cop's wife can do that and no one else can" by the time you get back home.
7. If you sit down to dinner, expect the doorbell to ring by a distraught father, abused spouse, or sad teen. They just have one quick question.
8. When you go to the Sonic for a quick burger and conversation, expect to make at least 3 quick stops as he sees crime happening out of the corner of his eye while driving 40 miles down the street in the dark..."this will just take a minute, honey. Lock the door."
9. Don't let him clean his unloaded rifle while you're back is turned as you fold clothes and he watches a football game. At a touchdown moment, the unloaded 22 rifle will shoot a hole in the roof causing him to win the TOP SHINGLE SHOOTER AWARD at the police Christmas Party. He will not be amused. I still don't know who told. I swear.
10. Always check to make sure the car is in park when he stops the car suddenly, because once again, he sees crime happening out of the corner of his eye while you're going down a perfectly bright country road at 50 miles an hour. The car in park, but not double checked, will roll downhill, as you sit calmly in the passenger seat. You will then lose your religion while you scramble into the driver's seat. Daintiness goes out the window, literally. If you value your husband's ego, you'll fail to mention any of this when he gets back into the car. "How'd that go, dear?"
11. Never try to understand cop humor as he tells you of his evening, when he discovered a dead elderly woman and then when answering the Medical Examiner's arrogantly asked question "Did you touch anything? What did you do when you found her?" and your cop's reply was "I said, 'Ma'm, you have the right to remain silent.' and then I called you." It's just his way of coping with frequent death.
The next one is not funny - but very true. Read at your own discretion.
12. Never serve macaroni and cheese. It reminds him of a family who lost their son to an accidental shooting death. The 17 year old was shot in the head while eating macaroni and cheese. The wound was wide open. The cop will throw up.
Bonus #1: Never ever expect to get anywhere on time unless you leave 1 hour early. The phone will ring, pagers will go off, walkie talkies will sqwak, someone will need him. I'm a patient, creative woman, and can go to almost any function together, with my husband not at my side.
Bonus #2: When the cop says "It's not dangerous, honey." Take a long hot bath. When the cop says "I'll be home for dinner." put his plate in the microwave.
Midnight conversations were lively, though:
"How was your day, dear?" Softly, intimate tales were told of dark rendezvous in parks; secret investigations of the rich and locally famous; cops hiding in drug stores closets to catch a thief; bank presidents caught in midnight positions in the bank lobby, giving new meaning to drive-through banking; drugs found in unusual body cavities; not sexy, but drunken female flirting: while under arrest, they shout from a cell, completely naked, as in--NO CLOTHES ON-- "Get your ass back in here, Mr. Po-leec-man!, and let's negotiate."
Insomnia is your companion, when one waits up for the tales from the badge.
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Glad you enjoyed it!! After all these years, I could probably do a zillion of these pages. lol He has a site just up but not much content yet, http://www.talesfromthebadge.com soon to be full of fun! Thanks for reading!
Great Hub..and could not be a wife of a Policeman..I would freak out. Have friends too that are..Most wonderful people..God Bless...G-Ma :o) hugs
Thank you G-ma, One did have to have an active and quick sense of humor and a couple of lifetimes of patience. It's not for everyone. A cop's wife needs to be able to bounce back, and bend when the winds of change blow. Thanks for reading!!
fantastic Hub marisuewrites you dont often think about the wifes/husband of the police officers until something bad happens In Australia we get Cops which I love and 48 hours which the police have 48 hours to solve the crime It cant be easy for you and hubby and the whole family but he is out there helping people and thats fantastic .take care
thank you Mulder, for stopping by to read and comment!! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Hi Marisue
GREAT HUB!
Give us more cop tales this could be a winner and a great book.
Can you say "v-a-l-i-u-m"? I'm certain I would've swallowed down a few if I'd been married to a police officer. My hats off to you and all the wives who stand by their cops! Salute!
Sixtyorso, music to my ears....You know each one of these could head a chapter, with stories to go along with each tip...right? what do you think?
blondie, I was so involved in the life, I tried not to worry and just wait for him to talk about it. It was hard, but we made an agreement to always tell me if he was going to something dangerous. Course, you didn't always know in advance. It was tough. but with all those kids, i had to stay attentive. We laughed our way thru most of it. thanks so much for reading, as always
This is terrific, mariesue: Very colorful life you guys have. Very well written too. Rapid-fire fun. I agree with sixtyor so...a collection of these vignettes could make a good book. Regards, Helen (a.k.a. Creativita)
Great hub mariesue! Congratulations on staying married to a cop! No small accomplishment, as I understand. And your genuine love for him really shines through you writing here. Thanks again.
PS--Have you ever seen that cable TV show "Reno 911"? That show is totally demented. We love it.
Thank you pgrundy and Helen, I value your comments and glad you enjoyed it There will be more to come! I'll chrck out Reno 911 How did I miss that??
Sounds like he is lucky to have such an understanding partner in life. I think too many partnerships are not shared equally ... and thus so many on them on the endangered species list.
Great story.
This is one that's going in the book of "Living In The Land Of Odd" thanks for all your encouragement!!
I am not a woman who has to have a husband right by her side every minute and it takes that kind of woman to help keep the marriage going if you're married to a cop. Besides, the stories he told always entertained!! =)
Hello marisue, I remember you commenting on one of my hubs and saying that you were learning from me. Well it works the other way round too. Reading that was like getting a snapshot into another life... another culture indeed. I mean, what's a do-se-do? And I like your husband's sense of humour. I agree with sixtyorso about the book too. More cops tales. Great!
An excellent hub; it made me laugh and think at the same time, well done.
You must have nerves of steel Marisue! I can't imagine waiting for your hubby to come home after a shift. Then again, the frustration of trying to go anywhere must get maddening on occasion.
Really interesting and entertaining read!
Hi Cj! I am so appreciative of your comments as always. Ha, a do-se-do is indeed a fun dance step in square dancing. You fold your arms, one across the other, or sometimes you swing your skirt in a sassy way, for the women, and you step a small circle around your partner and then go around the circle to the rhythm of the music. You know, I should add a square dance video from YOUTube, stay tuned and you can watch one. It's very fun, but it causes all to be creative if one of the partner disappears. here comes the video!
Bob, I'm flattered you enjoyed it too!!
Shirley, many times, laughter hid the tears, but it was always an interesting life.
Here's the Do-se-Do, Man Am I country or what>???
You can hear him say the do-se-do and you'll see them go around each other such fun!!!
Hey marisuewrites, it is an interesting write up about your personal experience of being a cop's wife must be really interesting! Thanks for sharing your story
Hi stutin, thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've got 30 years of this stuff to write LOL I better get busy!! =)
Marisue, your story reminded me of my childhood friend's father. He was Chief of Police in our town. He was a man of few words, but much action. What I didn't know until many years after living in that town, is that he took a special, quiet interest in my mother and me, a woman and daughter living alone, and watched over us, to the point where he deflected some big trouble I could have fallen into. This man had a heart of gold, and he and his wife were foster parents to several children who came their way through his police work, as he minded over those children as he did my mother and me.
I am guessing that your cop has that heart of gold, too, and there are many, many more stories for you to tell.
Hi Sally!! And yes, he does have that heart and I'm writing as fast as my little fingers can type!! =) Thank you for your story too and comments!
I LOVE the switching the popcorn for the soda trick!
You Would, must be a guy thing. Where are you?
Thanks for the laughs!
Great story Marisue. There is nothing more comforting to live beside a cop as I do. He is as gentle as a lamb but as tough nails. I don't think we have ever had a conversation without his cell going off. I always hear him say "but my plate is already loaded". A busy life but still has time for us.
Lilymag, thanks so much for stopping by to read...more stories in the oven:
Dottie1: It was a zoo, an interesting and challenging time. thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Fantastic! Great humor from your side of the house.
Hi Cailin, So glad you enjoyed it, we had to laugh to survive. Great memories and there is more to come!! thanks for reading and commenting!
I can dig it.
Gives me the perspective of what I put my wife through now in a different light.
Communication Tower Climber #1 deadliest job in the world. I probably put my wife through a lot of stress, and I'm sure she can relate to this story. I can't tell you how many countless holidays, events, and social functions I've missed. Eating my dinner from the microwave was a common practice. And getting called at any moment for an "outage" was the lifestyle. Worry and Insomnia were her friends.
Wow, sounds like you had your own share of danger!! What would we do without the ones that are able to be so daring and take care of the rest of the world!! Thanks for reading and kiss that wife!
Marisue,
'One did have to have an active and quick sense of humor and a couple of lifetimes of patience. It's not for everyone. A cop's wife needs to be able to bounce back, and bend when the winds of change blow.'
That is truly so, I could believe your patience is infinite and obviously your humor is at the top of the range.
Let me know when the book is pending I will buy it.
I did think my mobile phone and pager was the only one that went off at the wrong time.
Once at a funeral: Then 3.00Am the phone went of its head as one of my salesmen had just had his car jumped on by an over eager Kangaroo. This Roo made short work of his car. The phone, from Bill the salesman was made 1676 miles from our bedroom. He wanted to know what he should do about this great big ugly Roo.
As it woke the house up right down to the twins, Val was most impressed at the Salesman's hide in ringing us at 3.00AM. Specially has we found it difficult to get sick twins back to sleep. As she said 'What did he expect me to do at 3 am, 1676 miles apart.'
Thanks for a good laugh and some memories and a great hub
MrMarmalade, your story is hilarious, I can't imagine a Kanagaroo on my car!! It IS amazing that another person's problem can totally make them forget other's have a life. There were times I'd get aggravated at people expecting Lynn to make their problems go away at our dinner time or sleep time, Still, the job was in his blood, and you could no more expect him to give it up as to quit breathing.
He was a cop with a heart. He got tired of it but never stopped trying to help. The problems were serious to those who had them. So many things really were funny, and it helped get thru the times that were sad.
I appreciate your comments so much regardint my writing and the book...stay tuned for more.
I admire your ability to make light of the seriousness of your husband's job and I admire the fact that he sounds like one of the few good cops left if a plate of macaroni and cheese can make him hurt thinking about someone else's life. Thanks for sharing.
I fell for him because he had a gleam in his eye I liked....LOL turned out he was a cop with a heart. I make fun of his job with tongue in cheek and his full permission, but he was an insightful investigator...an excellent fair policeman, and a fair and considerate boss and leader for his men. And he had an onery sense of humor that was extremely annoying ahahahah still has that.=) thank you!!!
My husband has been a cop for 3.5 years now. At first, I wasn't too worried because he was "just" going to be a University police officer. I thought, "what's the harm"? "Arresting people for cheating on exams"? "Students stealing backpacks"?
Man, was I wrong!!! He takes someone to jail almost every shift. He gets a lot of drunk drivers off of the streets. Which makes me so very proud of him. It gives me complete satisfaction knowing that he probably has saved several lives.
He has broken up parties filled with drugs and underage drinkers.
He has assisted our local city police department catch wanted criminals.
He has been involved in several high speed chases.
He has been the top weapons shooter in his department.
He has NEVER lost a court case!
He recently won a Chief Commendation Award!
He also works two other side jobs as a peace officer. ~ One is traffic patrol at our community church- the other at an auto auction.
We have two daughters ages 5 & 10 and we don't get to see him very much. But when we do, it is very special.
I am very proud of my husband and very proud to call myself his WIFE. At first, I was his Army wife and now I am his police wife. His dedication to serving our country and now our community makes him an extraordinary person and I am so honored to be married to him. We will be celebrating our 12th Anniversary in March. This is my chance to say thank you to all law enforcement officers and their families for their sacrifice.
Thanks for listening!
Robyn!! I share your joy and pride!! Your husband sounds like a jewel in a uniform -- those everyday "keep us safe" events go unnoticed by many, but those who love rhe one in uniform know the sacrifice and heart involved.
Your story brought tears to my eyes as I remembered my husband in each of those situations.
Thank YOU for adding such strength to our world -- as cop's wife's life is vital to the safety of our communities. I'm with you...in spirit!!
I hope you are writing a book. This is very good.
Your husband is a very lucky man. I have been a career prosecutor and have known a lot of cops and cops wives. People on the outside just don't see the stresses on families and the things cops put up with for not nearly enough money. That your marriage survived a career in law enforcement is a testiment to you both, particularly to you as many cops are gruppy control freaks.
Thank you Elliott, what a nice thing to say!! As we look back, we can tell we did weather a lot of storms...mostly, it was fun figuring out what to do. We had a lot to laugh about, even though many would have cried, laughter was our survival. Cop's humor is very different. Like, bending over a dead person, in the quiet of the ER and saying in front of the doctor only "M'am, you have the right to be silent."
Sometimes, the horror of something, brings out the morbid in humor. But you survive, to help the next case. If you can.
Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to lift my spirits!!
Great article as always! Brought a smile to my face.
Thank You!
Hi MtnMan56!! Thanks for your kind words...come back soon! glad you stopped by to read and comment =))
wow this is great! I enjoyed reading them! they were so funny
Hi ratcliffe07, so glad you like them, I'm writing a whole series...
more at http://talesfromthebadge.com
=))
"Never try to understand cop humor" -- thank you! I can not get their jokes, wow! Thought I was the only one :)
Great Hub too funny lol
What a refreshing hub to start my day. Thank you Marisue :)
Those facts on the list made me LOL! Can't wait to share this with my BFF, who's married to a cop. :D
Hi ashleyyoung, I'm so glad you liked it, I doooo need to write this book!! come back soon!
Hi Diane, well, Lynn had some doosies when he was supervising the finding of a body...but I won't go into those. Cops find a way to survive the gruesome, ya know?
=)) come back soon!
Marisue,
I loved reading this. I was a cop in the UK in a previous life, sadly my wife lacked your grasp and sense of humor, so she thought dating was an appriopriate response.
"How did that go dear" was thus never asked!
I'm about a month or two away from publishing the first in a planned series of books based on my time in the force, heavy on the humor. (First chapter is on my web site)
Have to follow you after reading this hub, so true, so true...
Chris
Hi Chris!! I'm so glad you stopped by and can't wait to read your series! It takes a special person to be a cop and it takes a special person to be a cop's wife.
Not bragging. It's just not something everyone on the sidewalk can do.
I look back in awe of our survival, and still love to hear and tell the stories. I think what made me "able" to "be there," was the fact that I understood it was in my husband's blood, it was who he was. I loved him so I loved the cop, accepting and joining that life.
Keep on writing and come back soon! and keep laughing...
This is great! I've been inspired to write my own story now. It's a bit scary but I'm going to do it anyway.
What harm can it do, right?
xxx
Please do...I'm glad to be inspiring others. =)) Come back soon!
Eileen Hughes Level 3 Commenter 3 years ago
Great article, I can see the funny side, But understand too well the nerves, strain, stress, of not knowing if he is ok or not.
I know they say I'll be okay, but these days are so much more dangerous. Even little old ladies arent so innocent any more. Except me that is. We had friends in the force so know where you are coming from. Thanks good article