To Fear or Not To Fear, The Bathroom Window
72Who's Shadow Lurks In Yonder Window...
Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid!
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Potty Tales
Reflections
As a woman of few phobias and almost completely void of paranoia, it is with great trepidation, I introduce to you, The Bathroom Window. Not just any bathroom window, mine.
We've been here about 8 months now, and it just occurred to me, that our window may not be safe, which is rather disturbing considering how many times I've been in there wearing my barely there's.
It's on the second floor, and is too tiny for anyone to comfortably climb through unless they don't mind parting with some serious DNA. So, I'm not really worried about crawl throughs, if I don't think about them too much. I just don't trust the window's construction material.
It's got this filmy cover over the glass. I was just fine, all these months, until we were driving home the other afternoon. I looked up and I could tell the light was on. A dim glow was visible, which made me think: what else? Now, I'm not an expert, but I think where there's light you can reliably predict shadow, right?
Well, Lynn says "No!" when we had that scientific discussion, but I think that's because he was doing a bit of predicting himself. The kind that involves some "honey-dos" that he would classify as "whacky."
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with asking him to stand in the middle of the street and look up at the window to see if he can see me standing in front of it. I really didn't want to push the issue, but it was not going to be comfortable to bathe in there anymore. I just couldn't do it.
"Pleeeeeeze....honey, go check. I'll stand right here and you look really good and see if you can see me."
"Marisue, I hate to break it to you but no one is going to be standing in the middle of the street looking at your shadow in the bathroom window without risking getting smeared all over the pavement by a car."
"You don't know that. You're a cop, you know how weird-o's are...no risk is too great. Pleeeeeeeze honey, I can't shower not knowing and I don't have curtains and a towel tacked up is so ugly....pleeeeeeeze just go check. Come on, it'll be quick, go, go, go."
So, I stood, he ran, he stood, he looked and he came back. "Nope, you're fine, I didn't see a thing. You're safe, move over let's watch a movie."
I paused. Something was wrong with this picture. I was going to trust my safety, my personal feeling of security, my privacy to a man who passed gas in various public places, lost his underwear, and tells really bad jokes? That part I have not yet revealed to you, just trust me on it.
I cleared my throat. "I don't believe you."
"Hm? Whaaddya mean you don't believe me. Hand me the remote."
"Lynn. I don't believe you. Let me go do it."
"I'm married to a crazy person."
"I just want to feel safe and how can I feel safe if someone other than the cows in the pasture across the street is seeing my shadow in the bathroom window!!!??" My voice was getting squeaky.
"They're going to be going 60 miles an hour! Anything they see is going to be a blur...a big fat blurrrrr!"
Oops. THAT was his fatal mistake. Will men never learn?
Immediately he knew he had just sliced his throat. "I meant the blurrr was big and fat...drawn out, you know honey, not that YOU'RE a big fat blurrrrr....OOOh no, I didn't mean that. Not at all...why are you looking at me like that?"
A tear was beginning to form in my left eye and if I held the stare just a few more seconds, I might be able to squeeze it out and it could ever so gracefully slide down my left cheek. Probably look real pathetic. Damn, I was wishing for a mirror...if it worked, I might could do it on command in the future.
Silence. tick tick tick....
There, I felt the tear slide....
"What was it you were wanting me to do?" he wisely asked again.
I perked up. "Stand in the bathroom at the window and I'll run down to the street and see if I can see you."
"You're going to get hit by a car."
I frowned and glared. "You couldn't be that lucky."
"No?"
"No! Now, go, go, go."
He went. I ran to the street, dodged a car, and looked up at the window. Lo' and behold, there he was. Hangin' out the window he hollers "Hey woman! You wanna get lucky???"
Idiot. "I gave up on lucky sweetie, when I married you!" I screamed back.
Waving his arms, he yells "Can you see me? Huh? Can you see me now?"
So much for a scientific experiment. He just can't stick with the plan.
Laughing his ass off, he shuts the window and I'm still left to wonder: "Was that a shadow I saw in The Bathroom Window?"
I'd give him away, but they'd just bring him back and sue me or something.
I am Marisue, and I write.
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Wonderful presentment! I suggest a curtain, just to obscure any future doubts.
Very interesting and well done hub. Great!
It was like a mystery movie, until you got to the part about standing in the road and him waving at you.
Now, go get a little $10 curtain with a little rod to hang in on at Big Lots. A cute little thing with dogs and cats on it or something. Golly.
ROFL, Marisue. Way to pump out the underwear and bathroom humor today. You make me proud. And I can tell you, I totally know what you mean by this; I understand your stress.
The house I grew up in was built kind of like in a big U shape... so, there's like "wings" except it ain't a mansion. Well, at one end of the U (top right facing the U I just typed) is a bathroom. In the space between is a patio thing. In the left end of the U is the kitchen.
Well, there's a window in that bathroom, kind of a big one, and its RIGHT over the toilet, and totally on the way into the shower.
The glass is like, I think they call it "crinkle glass" but I might be wrong. Anyway, you can't see anything through it in detail.
IN DETAIL
Which, Mairsue, I know you get.
However, you CAN see through it. You get shapes and what not.
Ok, I don't care if you see me walking into the shower. Whatever. But, somehow, it bugs the crap out of me to think that people in the kitchen can see my head bobbing about as I ... well... have my morning constitutional. LOL. So... I TOTALLY support this hub and I think that Level1 is right.. people should get a curtain or something.
Lynn, I hate to be the one to confirm your anxiety, but alas… It’s true, you’re married to a crazy person.
All you can do now is take a picture so we can all tell Marisue there’s nothing to be seen. *lol*
lol! This is too hilarious mariesue! I'm with you on this one! Happy curtain shopping sweetie! (I just bought a new one for the bathroom myself--it was so fun. I felt like Martha Stewart the whole time I was shopping, and now we can wee in real style!)
The Shower curtain. Norman Bates! No at our age what the hell. if anyone's mad enough to stand in the road and dodge cars good luck. Great hub. I cannot wait for "hot hubbers Marisue gets naked thru the looking glass". I just kept giggling on this one. It is almost like the fatal question "Do I look fat in this dress?" Whatever you answer you are dead. i mean dead, go figure. Lynn was lost as soon as he said too much (in fact as soon as he said anything).
You know what they say, Marisue: Crazy.. eehr.. great minds think alike ;)
Yes you are!
*Standing in the middle of the road, ignoring the impatiently honking cars*
Come closer to the window, I still can't see anything *pout*
Ananta do you think one might term that a dutch treat?
Marisue, we have a similar situation. Our window is on the ground floor, though. Rather than buying a curtain, my wife has taken to showering in the dark. Don't ask, I don't even get the logic. It's just one of those endearing little qualities that make her who she is, and I love it. As for me, I just go about my normal daily business. If a person has nothing better to do than watch the shadow of a middle aged man in the shower, well, have at it. Enjoy the creepshow. For some reason, the ones that give me the willies are the bathrooms with skylights. Ever seen those? Where would you even put the curtain?
It's Dutch courtesy of course *innocent smile*
Marisue, your house doesn't back up to the woods, does it? Never mind. I haven't been anywhere near that storage building! But I will gladly go there, just to stand guard, mind you, if it would make you feel safer. I am a trained guard Jackalope, you know.
You two have too much fun. That's great!
B T Evilpants, you crack me up :)
Marisue,,,,,any hubs bubbling about attics or cellars??
Trish
So funny! You have a real talent for writing. :)
Just to poke a hole in the balloon, I have no bathroom window. Yippie for me!!! No curtain decisions.
However, about B.T.'s question regarding backing up to the woods... I have a long-time, true friend who is by all accounts the epitome of a mountain man. His house is not in the mountains (although he wishes it were), instead it borders on Fairmount Park in Philadelphia (yes, this is a big city with a big park). And he has no curtains on his bathroom windows. But he has a shotgun in his bedroom.
So, for me, going to the potty in his house is either keep the lights turned off after dusk, or ask him to stand guard with the shotgun outside the window (in which case he can see me, but he's a respectful guy, like B.T.)
You crack me up.
Marisue, haven't you seen that episode of X-Files about the guy (Ray Combs) who can stretch and elongate himself (even his bones!) to fit into even the tiniest of spaces? This ghoul hybernates for 35 years - in a "nest" made from torn and licked newspaper - then wakes, "feeds" (guess what on!) and goes back to sleep again.
Have to go to the bathroom yet?
Shower, anyone?
PS: I with your brother. Invest in a curtain, already! Geez, whiny-baby.
I suggest some obscure, rain glass with a double green tint. You have to wear green coke bottles on your face to see through that stuff.
Very funny!
Yeah Rob, and Marisue's husband is going, "Some obscure rain whatsits with double green whozzits? And just where the hell am I supposed to find that?!?!"
M, You buy the curtain rod long enough so that it extends about a foot on either side of your window. That way, you can open the curtains completely to get all the window light, and a bonus! It'll make that tiny window look bigger!
What? My ex-wife was a spec ed teacher/interior designer. I paid attention...
i had so much fun reading this.. glad to hear your significant other paid for the big fat blur slip.. had to mixx this.. :)
Another fun hub marisue!:)
I have never had a bathroom with a window in it until i came to this property and i have actually painted the window!
CRazy i know, and just like love at times!:)
Marisue: Fun hub! LOL! I just came back from vacation in Florida and the Inn where I stayed had a transparent, cloth curtain in the bathroom which I found odd as the window was down to the floor, facing the street and the beach; I took a black shawl I carried with me on the plane, and hung it in the window when I showered and dressed, kind of weird, LOL! but I certainly didn't want to be a shadow show as my partner stayed home to mind the business, and I was alone in the room. If it had been him, he probably wouldn't care, I think most men are not as concerned about privacy while showering.
My wife had this issue with our window when we moved in last year. Especially since it is one floor. But the window is in the back. Well I got the distorted glass. But, guess what? It wasn't distorted enough. She didn't even give it a chance. So I put a shower curtain up temporarily. Eventually we got some window tint film and it looks great. We still haven't tested it by looking in though.
I've been sitting here for about 13 minutes wondering whether or not it was wise to answer this hub.. but.. here we go..
I too have a Bathroom window phobia.. but with good reason. Often I would bathe at night. I'd come home and sit down for a bit, pad into the bedroom and gather my nite-wear, pinning my hair up to head to the bathroom. I'd walk in and look at the bathroom window.. just slightly ajar as I left it the night before. A fleeting moment of 'what if someones there'.. flitting quickly across my mind and easily forgotten. But one night as I did my normal routine of turning on the water and turning view myself in the mirror. doing my ritualistic funny faces mirror activity.. 'would i look better with a short nose.. which is my best side.. do my eyebrows need reshaping.. is that a hair in my nostril?'. When finally done with that. I checked my water.. ahh perfect and proceeded to take off my top. I'd only lifted my top as far as my chest when I had the distinct feeling of being watched.
The window came to mind and as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror for what seemed like an eternity, the only thought running through my head was 'please dont be there.. please dont be there.. please dont be there'..
I turned quickly, eyes focusing and there.. were a pair of eyes staring back at me. His eyes widened in shock as he realised I'd caught him. My eyes widened in shock as I realised there was someone to be caught! I ran from the bathroom and tore down the hall. By the time I got to the back door, he was gone. Not to scare you or make you worry even further and make your poor husband stand outside the bathroom every night you go in there to shower.. it's my firm belief that there usually are no pair's of eyes staring back at you from the bathroom window..
But sometimes .. there is. The moral of this tale is: if you have a bathroom window, shut it and buy and install a bathroom fan. Get venetian blinds and be secure in the knowledge that only you, your spouse and the kids that barge into the bathroom without knocking and howl.. 'ohhh muuuum.. put some clothes on!' will ever see you in your barely there's.
I think Venetian blinds work better than a curtain. You can shut them completely for privacy. If you want to do you make-up in the bathroom, you can easily open them for maximum light. Don't go for wooden blinds - they look chic, but the damp air in your bathroom will make them discolour or (worse) warp.
My only advice about your 'significant other' is to keep smiling.
Ok, I finally did it. After reading your hub, I put mini-blinds in the bathroom. Now when my wife showers, she can open them slightly, in an upward slant. She gets some light, she can see out, and nobody can see in. Oh, the hard work you have caused us poor husbands! I HATE mini-blinds!
Seriously, good luck with the storm Marisue. Last I heard, it wasn't supposed to be too bad.
interesting story
reminds me of a woman in a long nightie standing in front of a floor to ceiling window with the sun shing through.
Architects who designed houses way back when (pre-‘70’s), sorry to say, were mostly perv males! Designing bathrooms with giant windows over the toilet and the tub was probably a male architects macho right of passage thing. Like male dogs peeing on every tree, only nothing comes out. These guys, the architects, not the dogs although that’s debatable, must have gotten a sales commission for the most GLASS the can use from a glass manufacturer or somethun? Anyway, since GLASSBLOCK became trendy. It is awesome, but ya can still see a fuzzy fleshy blob through it! We need more female architects!
what about bathrooms that have floor to ceiling windows? those freak the daylights out of me!
What about those "glass houses" from that old saying about "not throwing stones" if you live in one. You guys think you have problems, what about the women living in THAT neighborhood? Not only do they have to worry about guys checking them out in the shower, they have to worry about getting pelted by rocks if they haven't logged enough treadmill time or don't bathe sumptuously enough.
Count your blessings.
I have a window like that too!
Awesome post! I agree with you, i don't see anything wrong with asking him to stand in the middle of the street for my sake either.
every thing in this life has a price even life has a price is the sacrifice
thanks for sharing, it reminded me of the good things in marriage. You're a good writer,
Very good story! I can see why you would be worried because there are people who do snoop. In my old neighborhood there was a man and his son who liked to point their telescope at the neighbor's windows. Both of them often seemed to end up outside our one of our female neighbor's front window when she was home alone. Their behavior was very creepy, so I can understand why you were concerned about the window.
I understand you paranoia, especially after what I learned about my former neighbors. One time when my sister was little she was playing over at their house with their son and daughter, and they showed her the telescope and how their dad like to "watch" windows in the neighborhood. On several occasions one of our female neighbors would be home alone watching TV with her kids and she would look out her window and see the dad or the son hiding in the bushes. That pair really creeped me out.
I might just do that Marisue, thanks for the suggestion!
Just a word "People who live in glass houses should not stow thrones" so thank your lucky stars it is a shower and not a throne. Besides with Linn that could become a real show, blow and tell. Musical accompaniment. Please remain seated during the performance. Gawkers peepers and perverts will be charged! (double meaning intended).
I am working on the hubs about Peeping Toms as we speak. I enjoy your website about talesfromthebadge, good job!
LOL, I had to read a hub with 81 comments! And it was worth it, started my day with a chuckle.
I still think you should post your stories here too about the peeping toms. Like you said it is from a perspective most of us would not know about unless we worked in law enforcement :).
Great hub, my best friend has a window like that in her bathroom, but thankfully it faces the back yard and noone was in ther when I was changing lmao
Hi Mariesue. I loved this hub. Very funny. Our bathroom window is tiny and high up and faces on to a yard behind the house, so not a problem. Our neighbours, however, is large, and faces our house across our adjoining yards. Once or twice we've looked up to see just the kinds of shadows you're talking about. Yes, even through crinkle glass! It's only us that would ever see this, I guess, and we just avert our eyes, but my sister was round once, and got a fit of the giggles when she caught sight of our neighbours naked shadow!
No, I'm afraid to say that I've never mentioned it. To us it's not a problem. We've no voyeuristic tendencies, and I guess for my sister it was just a bit of a laugh. She doesn't know my neighbours, and lives 30 miles away, anyhow. I'm sure they'd be mortified if they knew that we could see them and after being neighbours for nine years, it would seem a little belated to mention it now!
My boyfriend and I have had the same exact argument about the windows in his apartment. All of them have these cheesy curtains that don't really cover the window all the way. He keeps telling me: "Babe, no one is looking in here, they can't see you," but if I can see his cat when I'm outside sitting in the window, I'm pretty sure people can see in.
Marisue you are doing for bathroom windows what Norman Bates aka Antony Perkins and Vivien Leigh have done for shower curtains!
Very true Marisue, sorry but I am just not giving into the men on this one :). I think some men might start feeling different if someone was looking at them through the window, unless they are just hoping someone does :).
Sweetie hoping and praying wishing and waiting!
This song got a reprise sorry. I wish we could do something about these annoying double posts.!
Right now it is about 2:45pm just after lunch time.
We are not quite as far as Australia, The Cook Islands or Honolulu Australia, or New Zealand. Tonga And Fiji are one side of the line and Hawaii and Tahiti are on the other side. So if we could find hubbers in Hawaii (we already have Australians) we could be a a day apart on the same day.see http://www.worldatlas.com/aatlas/infopage/dateline
According to World Atlas.com "The International Date Line sits on the 180º line of longitude in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and is the imaginary line that separates two consecutive calendar days"
an australian here - great hub - love the comments - a number of years ago, pre the introduction of gun laws in Aust. & after the Tasmanian massacre - my brother realised that some one was watching his wife through the windows of his bathroom so when dusk came he waited "avec gun" for the peeper to do his thing. It turned out after checking the garden that the peeper was crouching down, hiding near the garbage bins and my brother thought "hey wait I have two bins not three!" You can imagine the peeper's surprise when he was flushed out by a very cross male waving a gun - took off never to return.
Seriously, get a dog - a big one - I had a ridgeback at the same time I had a pet peeper - and as this had been going for a couple of months and not just to me but also to other single mums in the street, I decided that maybe I should take action. It was not uncommon to see the police in the garden in the dark with their torchs searching - called by others I presume. So after much thought as to whether I should let Charlie out to do her job (I was worried she could get hurt by the peeper) finally I did and some serious confronting occurred - she actually had him caught up on the fence - I called the police! unfortunately he got away but good for them they caught up with this charmer later.
I read somewhere that in a new home the builders 'inadvertantly' put the floor to ceiling bathroom glass in back to front... It was weeks before the new occupants found out. They never thought to checkout why the view from the bathroom was blurry and why the bus stop outside was so popular!
What a fun story to read! Do you always talk like this? You are writing a book? If not, you should be! You're writing is so uplifting, not bitter like so many I read. Lots of people on hubs are really funny and you are one of them!



















































madellen 3 years ago
Dear Marisue,
I can tell from your stories this much, you really love that man don't you! (:
It's a beautiful thing.
M